"They're So Squishy!!" � � � Monday, Apr. 07, 2003 * 02:39

The title of this entry is dedicated to a comment made by a girl named Alpha whom I met when I visited Justin at Dicks. I never wrote about this, but it was quite disturbing and that's probably why. We were all standing around a grill, after the barbecue, talking about whatever military types talk about, which is usually 1)calling someone gay, 2)asking someone why he's so gay, 3)making fun of someone's bathroom habits, 4)sex, or 5)balls. In this case the conversation turned to number 5, balls. All evening, tea-bagging had been the topic of conversation in one way or another. At one point, someone finally asked what this meant, and Justin was good enough to explain it tactfully. "Think about it, what on your body looks like a tea bag?" Brilliant, my boy.

This girl Alpha was a real piece of work. Justin introduced me to her by saying "And this is Alpha." I said Hi, Alpha, and she sat there lewdly sucking on her cigarette and responded, "No one ever believes my name is Alpha, why did you?" She had a scary face, all pock-marked, and her white-ish hair was growing out of her head like corn silk on a dead ear of corn. I was disgusted. I said, "Well, I have no reason to disbelieve Justin when he tells me your name. Why, should I? Is it not your name?" She smiled like she wanted to eat me for dinner and I tried to avoid her for the rest of the night. But later, when everyone had finished talking about tea-bagging, and there was a lull in the conversation, she blurted out,

"I like balls. They're so fun!"

At this point, she was so drunk - and she was the only one out of about 20 people who was drunk at all - that she was wobbling around on her stumpy legs and her troll-face was all screwed up like she'd been sucking on lemons. Everyone laughed and started making fun of her. Another lull ensued, and she suddenly started giggling and raised her hands and said,

"They're so squishy!"

I'm really glad I'm not in the military. I couldn't put up with the troll women.