Christine Meets Mimi � � � Saturday, Apr. 12, 2003 * 22:00

Today has been quite ... fun. I say that in all honesty although fun isn't really the right word. Decide for yourself.

After work, I came home to find my roommate John watching Spongebob. He was enjoying himself. I had expected to find my husband's best friend Pat there too, but there was no sign of him, so I took a shower. When I got out John told me that his parents were coming over in a matter of seconds, so I did a whirlwind makeup/grooming/dressing thing and emerged from the bathroom looking like a goddess, and shortly his mother and sister came in. I was happy that his sister looks something like him, because none of his other relatives that I have met do, and I was beginning to wonder what was up. The girl was infatuated with my cats, and this was quite nice. I love when people love my cats.

After they left, John went to work. I was beginning to think that Pat was upside down in a ditch somewhere, so to ease my nerves I decided to play some Virtua Fighter. I had all but forgotten about him when someone knocked on the door and I opened it up to find not only Pat, but also Kevin, Mike, and Joe standing there. Well. They all came in and signed the card for Justin and general chatter ensued while Joe tried his hand at Super Mario Sunshine! and I demurely answered questions about my and Justin's wedding. Then we went to Bennigan's. Fun was had by all.

I had to part ways with the boys after this, because I had a date with Mimi. Mimi belongs to Claire. Claire is a lady I work with. She is Mimi's primary care-giver.

Mimi is 94.

Claire needs help with Mimi, getting her in and out of chairs, onto the crapper, into bed, etc. I came over to help with these things. I had been forewarned that Mimi still thinks that all her long-dead relatives are still alive, as are her long-dead dogs and friends. I was also warned that she would think I was a boy, small-chested, and a man. I would be asked where all these people and dogs were, and I was to say they were out in the yard or something. But that's not how things went down.

When I got there, Mimi was sitting in a comfy armchair. Her hair was parted and swept back in little barrettes. She was wearing a pair of comfy pajamas. On her feet she was sporting a pair of stiletto heels. She was very, very small. I was terrified.

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Claire: Mimi, this is Christine. She came over to help us.

Mimi: I don't know you!

Christine: No. How are you? I'm very glad to meet you. (I yelled this, thinking that all 94 year old women in stiletto heels and pajamas are deaf.)

Mimi: (covering her ears) Ah!

Claire: Christine works down at the shop with Billy.

Mimi: Ohhh!

Christine: That's right. I'm so glad I could come over and see you.

Mimi: Yes. (Turning to Claire) She's so ... pretty! Look, look.

Claire: Yes, isn't she.

Christine: Thank you!

Mimi: Sit down!

Christine: Oh.. ok.

Mimi: You and your mom work there in the shop don't you, New York suitcase.

Christine: Oh, yes. yes.

Mimi: She must send you some more of those beautiful clothes from New York. . . You tell her! They're beautiful. (touches my shirt).

Christine: I will do that.

Claire: Ok, Mims, we're going to get you in bed now. Are you ready? Ready to get in the chair?

Mimi: Oh , yes. Christine. (trails off)

Claire, getting the wheelchair: We ride in style!

Mimi: You know ... all the songs, don't you know all of them?

Christine: Well, I know a lot of them.

Mimi: That's true.

Now we lifted her into the wheelchair, and shit was that woman heavy even though she probably only weighed 90 pounds she was a dead weight. We moved her into the bedroom, during which movement it was my job to lift her little feet in the stilettos off of the floor so that they wouldn't drag, and to inch backwards through the strange house. Finally, we were in the bedroom. Now Mimi had to do her business and I almost shit a brick when Claire started pulling down her pants. I didn't need to see old lady parts, man. Thankfully I was able to run away as Claire must have noticed my discomfort and told me I could put the wheelchair away. I took a long time doing this and when I came back Mimi was still on her little port-a-pooper. It was kind of sweet really. Then, we had to lift her onto the bed. This was quite an exercise. At one point, when I swung her feet up on the bed, and saw the heels, I almost started laughing uncontrollably. You haven't lived until you've seen a dilapidated old lady in cute pajamas snuggled into bed wearing stilettos.

Claire: Are you comfortable?

Mimi: Yes.

Claire: Oh? Wow! (apparently this usually takes a lot longer that it did tonight)

Christine: Can I come see you again?

Mimi: Yes. Aren't you coming back? Where did you go?

Christine: I'd like that. I hope I helped you O.K.

Mimi: (to Claire) She nearly broke me in two. . .

Claire: It's going to be okay.

Mimi: I was waiting to hear what she was going to (garble garble garble dee)

Claire: What she was going to what?

Mimi: mumble.

Claire: Say? Take?

Mimi: Sing.

Claire: Sing?

Mimi: Sing.

Claire: I don't think she's planning to sing.

Mimi: Oh, I think she is!

Christine: Um. I wasn't, but I can if you want?

Mimi: mumble

Christine: I'm not very good at singing. I only sing for my cats. I would keep you up all night.

Mimi: I'll be up all night listening for you.

Christine: OK. Goodnight, Mimi. I'll come back.

Mimi: Claire, she has such a beautiful name. I didn't know a child was coming to help me.

Claire: She's not a child, she's a grown up lady.

Mimi: An old lady. Oh! (looks at me strangely)

Claire: Well, a young lady.

Mimi: A long lady? She's tall.

Claire: And a young lady.

Mimi: Young. Young.

Christine: Yes, well.

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She went to sleep after that. We turned a little night light on for her. Except for the crapper business, I had so much fun. The elderly really crack me up, and I figure since I dream about old people every night I might as well hang out with them. I can't wait to go back.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with several bottles of malt liquor.