Christine's Photographic Adventure � � � Saturday, Jul. 19, 2003 * 00:25

Check this:

Now ain't that some crap.

So yeah, my mom's all married up now. Hooray for them. May they tolerate each other for the rest of their lives, and live in an environment free of domestic violence and drug usage. Congratulations, go-tards.

They wedding ceremony was 'lovely.' Too much religious banter for my taste. The minister went on and on and on and on and on and on about some nonsense involving holy unions in the kingdom of the lord and things not to forsooth and how not to get smited and why it's important not to be tempted by the holy spirit or something. All during his diatribe the groom's nephew, who was about my age, stared at me. Finally I started staring back, and he stopped. When I got a closer look I saw that his eyes were all whitish-blue and different colors and glowing. On him, with a dark complexion and black hair, it appeared as if the hand of the devil was at work.

On my ride home, I had An Adventure. This is how I feel about it taking two hours to go 45 miles:

This is how fast you are supposed to get to go on 95:

This is how fast we got to go:

To alleviate my anger, frustration, and overwhelming boredom, I took pictures. Like this one:

And this one, out of which I might make a layout for somebody:

When I tired of taking pictures of the scenery and my feet, I started snapping photos of the other drivers, at whom I had been staring for over an hour as they went to and fro alongside me. I made up little stories about who they might be, and where they might be going.

This is Oblivious Man.

No matter how many times I waved at him, he never looked over at me. He was too busy smoking his cigar. I imagined that he was a junior investment banker on his way home from his cubicle.

This is Mexican Guy.

He smiled at me and said something in Spanish when I took his picture. I imagined that he was a painter (because his shirt was covered with paint) on his way to hook up with some fine honeys and play pool.

This is Sedan Man.

He did not notice me taking his picture. He was listening to Don & Mike on the radio and laughing every once in a while. I imagined that he was a software engineer, on his way to his friend's house and then to a bar.

This is Skinny Dude.

He saw me take his picture and looked frightened to death. There were some blue-haired old ladies in the backseat, so I imagined that he was their grandson and was taking them out for a steak dinner at The Ground Round. And then to Bingo, of course.

Finally, this is Republican Guy.

I tried and tried to take his photo, but he was always going too fast. I finally managed to get it. But, alas! I forgot to turn the flash off! He saw it, immediately slowed down and opened his window. All the while still talking on his cell phone, he leaned out and yelled "Hey! Did you just take my PICTURE?!!?!" I shrugged and gave him a look like 'Gee, I dunno. Maybe. Who wants to know?' I zoomed out in front of him so he wouldn't pull a gun on me or some shit. Later I took a picture of the back of his SUV and his license plate, and here it is, because I hate him.

Notice the Bush sticker. I imagined that he was an asshole on his way home from working with other assholes, going home to have sex with his ugly, bitchy wife.

Now this photo-log of my trip home wouldn't be complete without a picture of me looking snarky, so here it is.

Ohh, how I love messing with my fellow drivers.