xtine

war, fuck the system! � � � Wednesday, Nov. 12, 2003 * 01:51

I feel sure that I had something important to say here five minutes ago, and yet all that I can summon to mind at this moment is the following sequence of words:

"captain anastasia, uncomfortable silk PJ wall climbing."

Today I was fortunate to speak with a schizophrenic woman on the telephone. While she rambled on about how she couldn't print to some piece of shit hunk of junk in OS 9, and insisted on speaking with some wanker named Dave at extension 2709 (which doesn't even make SENSE), I perused her prior call record. I noticed a lengthy case, definitely the longest I've ever seen, consisting of hundreds of phone calls back and forth between her and customer relations, in which she laid claim to the fact that her computer's hard drive spun up so loudly that it gave her an inner ear infection, permanently damaged her eardrum, and upon seeing a doctor, she was told "never" to use said computer again. I'm not at liberty to discuss the outcome of that case or its particulars, but what a fucking moron. I hate people that create drama with complete disregard for its effects on others. I'm talking like real drama, in which you threaten legal action on people, for shit like your ear.

Hell, I would never do that. I bet the bitch sat with her head next to the tower and pounded on the other side of her skull with a hammer until she really WAS deaf and bleeding from the cochlea, just so she'd have something to go to the doctor about.

Oh, and did I mention that she wanted reimbursement for all the money she spent on ear plugs?

Oh, and did I also mention that when a technician finally evaluated the computer (after she stalled for 3.5 months), it was placed in the range "below acceptable auditory levels"?

Stupid cunt.

That's right. What, I'm not supposed to say "cunt" because I'm a girl? I happen to think it's one of the funniest words in our language. I'm feeling fanatically anti-feminist-bullshit-empowerment-nonsense right now, so you'll have to excuse me, but get the fuck over yourselves. It's a damn word, just like "shoulder pads," "the bible," "human immuno-deficiency virus," "crabs," and "aesthetics" are words. You don't like it when women stoop to the level of men and demean the rest of the "race"? You don't like it when people use sexually-charged words in your presence? You don't like it when you're made aware of your body, organs, physiology, hormones, or outward appearance? Get a fucking sex change. Hell, become a neuter. Shave your head, swim some laps, and start doing squats and soon enough no one will be able to tell what the fuck you are.

You see, there's a certain person I have in mind. I'd particularly enjoy seeing this woman get gang-banged on broadcast television. I mean, I know that's what she secretly wants. She's so full of bullshit that I can't even believe I haven't kicked the living daylights out of her yet. She walks around all day glaring at all the guys in our office who aren't gay and giving me dirty looks because one day I wore a shirt that showed off my cleavage.

Look, lady, it boils down to this. I don't care if you give me dirty looks and screw your face up like a cabbage patch kid every time I come near you. I don't care if you don't like me. I don't care what you believe, that you'll never have an orgasm, if you're ugly or pretty, that you have inner beauty, or whether or not you know the left side of the road from the right. But let's not mince words, please. Come right to the point and tell me what the real problem is. One of these days, I wish you'd walk right up to my desk and say it.

"My chest is flat, but yours is not. I am androgynous, while you are rather feminine. I am one of the guys, while the guys would like some one-on-one with you. I resent you."

Well, that's more like it.

I hereby declare November 12th to be National Say What You Think Day, as well as Federal Fuck the Establishment Day.

Go tell an idiot how you feel about his idiocy! Go tell a democrat that you don't want to pay for his grandmother's hemorrhoid medicine! Go tell a republican to get the fuck away from your birth control! Go tell someone from the DMV to take the pole out of her ass, and take off those damn press-ons! And cut that weave! Go throw a 10-foot pile of loose paperwork in the lobby of the IRS! Go to the bank and ask for a loan so you can go buy two hookers tonight! Test drive a Mercedes and slam it into a Congressman's mailbox! Buy a pair of underwear, wear it, and then take it back - but leave the tag on the whole time so they won't know!

Ride a bicycle down the middle lane of the interstate! Order a pizza and pay for it in pennies - which aren't rolled! Get high, go to the drive-thru at McDonald's, and then HIT that fucking kid on that stupid pink bike! Steal a CD, rip it, and then take it back - the rip, that is! Call your mom and tell her she can't cook for shit! Call your dad and tell him to get a pair! Tear your boss a new one, and then bang his wife! Volunteer at a nursing home, and bring your electric guitar, and your amp, and that guy named Chester who's always walking down the sidewalk shaking his fist! Call some random fuck in the phone book and tell him to get bent! Go to a building where you don't work and walk around acting like you do, and ask them for a goddamn benefits package, and then sue the vice president for sexual harrassment!

But don't feel bad. I swear, he totally did look at your ass when you walked by.

SAY NO TO THE MAN.