Christine Gives A Fuck � � � Tuesday, Jul. 08, 2003 * 21:31

Adapted from a post on Usenet, altered liberally by me and placed here for your entertainment:

Ode to Fuck

Certainly, the most versatile and satisfying word in the Englishlanguage today is the word "fuck". It is the one word which can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (Justin fucked Christine) and intransitive (Christine was fucked by Justin). It can be an action verb (Christine really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Rachel really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Christine is fucking tired of not having air conditioning), or as a noun (Christine is a terrific fuck). It can also be used as an adjective (Orlando Bloom is fucking hot) or an interjection (Fuck! I just set my hair on fire!). It can even be used as a conjunction (Viggo Mortensen is so sexy, fuck I'm already married). As you can plainly see, no other word in English can hold a candle to the adaptability of the word "fuck".

Aside from its sexual connotations, "fuck" additionally lends itself to many other instances in our language...

Greetings "How the fuck are you?"

Exasperation: "I got fucked by the car dealer."

Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"

Trouble "Shit, we're fucked now."

Aggression "FUCK YOU!"

Disgust "Fuck me."

Confusion "What the fuck?!?"

Difficulty "I don't fucking understand this assignment."

Despair "Fucked again..."

Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."

Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"

Lost "Where the fuck are we?"

Amazement "Un-FUCKING BELIEVABLE!"

Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"

Denial "I didn't fucking do it."

Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."

Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyway?"

Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"

Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here!"

Directions "Fuck off."

Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

Descriptive "Whorebitch Felice sure is a fucktard."

Lust "Oh, please, fuck me!"

Telling Time "It's already five fucking thirty."

Employment "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"

Maternal "Mother fucker."

Political "Fuck George Bush!"

Throughout history, many important people have utilised "fuck" to express their feelings in moments of trial or decision....

"What the fuck was that?"

- Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"

- Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real fucking gun."

- John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"

- Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."

- Robespierre

"I wish I'd never fucking mentioned that cake."

-Marie Antoinette

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."

- Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!"

- Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?"

- Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"

- Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."

- Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!"

- Sir Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"

- Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers my ass."

- Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."

- John F. Kennedy